just STOP IT

BEattitudes: "How much of your Life is spent Resisting what is and desiring what isn't?
Are you aware that with all your Resistance, you cannot stop the flow of things as they must BE and your Resistance is actually delaying everything you desire?
BEing Grateful and Appreciative in the Present Moment is the final passageway to True Peace and Happiness, just on the other side of Resistance."

THIS IS IT

BEattitude: "This morning I awoke with this REVELATION..
ALL THIS is Transitory.., Impermanent.., Fleeting.
Holding onto anything.., Love, Laughter, Pain, Joy, Money, ...even Health.., is Futile. King Solomon, bestowed with Heavenly Wisdom, wrote, "Vanity of vanities! All is Vanity!"
But this isn't a reason to despair.., it's actually a reason to Rejoice and BE present, NOW. That problem, debt, broken heart, business failure, deferred dream that kept you awake, last night.., is ALL illusion.
Don't be distracted any longer from LIVING NOW.
Lost time cannot be regained. There will be NO make up test.
THIS IS IT."

BE QUIET ...

BEattitude: "Nothing's more profound than your silence in the face of critique, disdain or disparagement. Stand silent before those that wish to shame you with their words as they seek to illicit a response to add fuel to the fire they've lit at your feet in their attempt to burn you at the stake. It's a modern version of a lynching and before that, a crucifixion.
Never say a mumbling word in defense or dispute.
BE Prayerful internally in that moment of despair, blessing them that wish to spitefully abuse you and BeLIGHT.
It really is better to Light One Candle in your own heart.., than to curse the darkness in theirs."

Let The SUN In

BEattitude: "Are you prone to Living Your Life Under a Cloud?
I can feel it in most, and I see it all too often in myself and especially in those who believe strongly in what they want.., and when the only path they've deduced in which it can be achieved is threatened, the cloud emerges.
But in any contest, especially those of comparison to an other's journey, there will be winners and losers. You only fail when you compete in someone else's arena. Those on their own individual paths compete with no one. Their sense of placement in the Universe is their own unique footprint.
If you're living beneath a cloud and it's because you think you've missed your chance at true happiness, success or fulfillment on any level, ask yourself simply, 

'By whose standard have I judged my progress'?"

Don't TRIP

BEattitude: "Have you identified the Stumbling Blocks preventing your successful living?
The large ones loom on the horizon.., but those hidden in the crevices are the ones that can truly trip you up. Spend a little more time searching for those that are only visible to you before they become clearly evident to others."

AFFIRMATION

BEattitude: Please AFFIRM with Me...
"My Soul is Open, My Heart is Ready, My Time is NOW."

...just BREATHE

BEattitude: "Most tension exists when we fail to breathe through our conflicts.
If your first instinct is to tense up at the mere sign of discomfort.., next time, BREATHE and allow the movement of air to take you into a place of calm assurance that this, too, shall pass.., but even if it doesn't, you're in a place of peace observing it's vain attempt to disturb you.
PEACE exists by Invitation and remains because of Intention."

Try Again

BEattitude: "The BEST you can do, is the LEAST you can do, to Move yourself Forward. Don't judge your results, but the Spirit in which the actions were taken."

 BEattitudes... of Meditations, Spaces & Places

Don't Let This Moment Pass You By...

BEattitude: "GRACE UNDER PRESSURE.., there's not a lot of it being shown by our youth these days. We're not teaching them to 'turn the other cheek' either. Too many lessons about revenge and never backing down and not enough about choosing their battles fill their minds on a daily basis. At the first sign of difficulty, they give up all too often, or fight back disproportionately. If they are led to believe that everyone wins.., then what happens to and just where are the losers? Are we preparing those who will follow after us to handle failure as much as we preach winning by any means necessary? Shame on us for standing idly by while a generation of sore losers raise our children and pass along their legacy of greed, anger, disgust and poor sportsmanship. When it presents itself as it most certainly will, don't miss your opportunity for Correction for fear it'll BE interpreted as Chastisement."

Seeing is Believing

BEattitude: "Living and Loving in Peace is Ideal.
But with every Vision, comes the Reality of what it will Take to Manifest that Ideal. Praying for Divine Help rarely helps.., The Divine helps those who help themselves, or so we've been lead to BElieve.
In actuality, Divine Intervention happens to Those who Act on their Visions.
Stop Waiting.., and Activate Your Vision, Today."

BE One.

BEattitude: "BE One."

just B.E.

We spend so much of our lives chasing the idea of us.., and that's often determined by who others say we are.

If we're lucky, we become aware of the cycle and break it early on and sit with ourselves, by ourselves, and listen to ourselves for the direction our lives should take. If that initial sit down comes after we've committed to another in marriage, had kids, or planned a certain career path.., it's dangerous to ask questions then that should have been asked and answered by your mid-20's at least. Seeing the ramifications of such dramatic changes later in life keeps many from ever facing the 'might have been' paths their hearts would have chosen. No wonder there's bitterness, resentment and even depression in those latter years when we try to blame others for our pitiful lives, but in actuality, we only have ourselves to blame for never getting to fully know ourselves at an age when we might have done something significant with our soul's leanings.

I've never been afraid to correct my path. I've left good jobs, the loving support of family and friends, all in pursuit of this ideal of myself that I see in my heart. Have I paid dearly for it? Without a doubt, yes. Do I have regrets? No. I rejected the very idea of being an angry husband, absent father, or unreliable brother had I stayed one minute longer in a place I knew I ultimately didn't belong. Whatever that gene that seemingly most have to compromise and remain silently dissatisfied I can honestly thank God that I was NOT born with it. I have many lonely days on this journey.., days where others who've tried to hang with me for as long as they could, still have to fall away and begin to live their own lives, follow their own paths, leaving me to continue, alone, for another season. I wish I knew 'where' this open door was.., I can only know, in the end, where it is not.

I'm struggling with having to move from the place that I moved to from another place where I believed the door had to be. Leaving NYC for the desert of NM was bold and foolish and fateful... I had to do it. But I've been here for 3 solid years and while I've had activity to keep me busy.., none of it felt like my heart's work. As always, it's rarely the place that holds me, it's the people and I've met some incredible angels along the way.., but their deepest love and support of me has never fully been enough to silence that call, especially after we discover along the way, they cannot travel deeper or further with me. So, with regret, I have learned to say good-bye, all too well and too often. You could say, I just wanted something more.., and describe them as wanting something consistent... but neither would be right or wrong. I do know there's just that moment that we both recognize we want something 'different'.

So, that time is 'nigh', again.

The difference this time is there is no other place.., in this realm, I fear, but the same 'ache' to move along is as present as ever. Does this time mean, I have to push through it and stay.. and that my blessing is really here, since I don't have another destination or the resources to make any move happen? Or, am I done with all the physical moves and it's finally time to make the ultimate 'spiritual' one? All I know is, I don't know.... and for the first time in my life, I'm willing to admit that. But I need a change, it's inevitable... and my landlord is gonna force one upon me... whether I'm ready or not.

I took the time to blog these impressions.., because I need time to think.., but my time for any more of that has run out, today. If I never type another stroke about this ultimate transition, let these stand as my final thoughts....

God, what else could I have possibly suffered or sacrificed in pursuit of your will for me?
Why wasn't my willingness ever enough?
Was it a blessing or a curse to have been born with that willingness and not the will or ability to do it all alone?
What was the point of it all?

Really.

Brother EDEN Douglas was here.

Somebody write that on a rock someplace.



Peace.

The Origin of EDENintheDESERT

Becoming EDENintheDESERT has truly transformed my life.., and my theology. I don't say much about the latter, but I blog often about about the former. Today, I'm going to share a little about the evolution of EDENintheDESERT.

Moving to New Mexico, without the promise of a job, from the metropolis of New York City was considered by many to be the beginning of the end of everything.., especially my sanity. But having only visited here for three weeks back in 2006, I just felt strongly that I had to leave everything 'safe' in NYC for the uncertainty of the desert.., or lose the best parts of my humanity, if I remained in that urban jungle. I know many are desperate to experience NYC and I pray everyone gets the chance to fulfill whatever dreams they have for themselves but I do have one word of caution in the blind pursuit of your passion.., just be sure your passion is your calling.

To make it in NYC or any other place, one can forget to persue the LIGHT in the pursuit of their passion. I can only advise you not to compromise. Coming to the desert, I am slowly learning a simplier approach to life and for me, that has saved me from even trying to compete with the multi-million dollar promtional and marketing machines that finance so many with no vision, no life experience and unfortunately, very little integrity in their craft or honest conviction as to why they're performing except to become famous. When all that fails, many will settle for infamy as witnessed on the majority of reality shows.

WHERE IS THE LIGHT in our artistry?

We can't criticize the business any longer if we refuse to believe in or support those artists that are truly writing and performing from sacred and anointed places. Hear me clearly, this is a plea for more truthfulness in all our crafts. This world is struggling to right itself and whether we wish to accept it our not, more money is spent in the entertainment industry than on the federal military budget. This is not exaggeration. Consider the intake of the GAMING, DVD, FILM, MUSIC and SPORTS industries and is there any wonder how they can afford the salaries, film budgets and technology that continues to move their industry forward while the health, education and affordable housing industries erode from neglect? I was a young boy during the most critical moments in the Civil Rights Movement of the sixties, but I remember how important the music and films produce during that time period were to bringing awareness to the plight of the disenfranchised and of the injustices that passed for law. Much of that artistry is still resonating for it's purity of purpose and intention. I long to be that kind of producer/artist. I long to do formally what I've done personally for many years now. I long to make a difference by being a part of the solution and no longer just a harbinger that talks incessantly about the ills of our land.

WHERE IS THE LIGHT in our artistry?

I know there are many, like myself, that are not only sick, but extremely tired of the dribble we are being fed on any given day as 'the best' in our various mediums and crafts. I know how easy it is to grow resentful of those that have so much.., and yet, do so little and say even less. All I can do is my best and I purpose to not be afraid anymore to speak up and share my own reality, in hopes that my doing so, I might find the kindred spirits and the desperate support I need to make my passion to SHARE LIGHT with the world, a reality.

EDENintheDESERT isn't just my alias, but it's the seed of a visionary place.., a home for wayfaring artists to be nurture and encouraged and supported while they develop into the advocates, soldiers and LIGHT bearers this world needs. I'm burdened by the enormity of my vision no longer. I knew when I left NYC, why I was called to desert.., and for the longest time, I've tried to hide my LIGHT, perhaps even to snuff it out by subjugating my purpose, call and will in the employ of others, just be left alone, to not have to care.., and certainly not to do anything to make a difference.

But I can be silent no longer.

I've seen the LIGHT in so many and have been powerless to help them. Hollow encouragement in the end doesn't give the needed leg up and placement in this world so that their LIGHT can shine. Am I asking for help? Without a doubt.., 'tho, let me be clear. If I've been any encouragement to anyone ever, I pray you'll read what I've written with a particular clarity. If I don't know you and I've moved you to know more and make an introduction, I welcome hearing your testimony. All I want to do is pursue the eventual dream of building a hub for others to join in virtually or physically. This will be the hardest thing I may ever do.., but I must.

What's the point of being a VISIONARY if all my life I'm going to continue to play it safely?

The need is monumental. The desire is even greater, however. And the will to succeed is life-affirming. If you've interested in knowing how specifically you might collaborate, feel free to contact me directly at Brother@BrotherDouglas.com ... If you're the silent contributor type, that same email address is my PayPal account. All I wish for today is that I've open the door to your heart to consider that WE can change our world.., one artist, one song, one screenplay, one work of art, one well chosen act of kindness, at a time.

WE ARE THE LIGHT THE WORLD NEEDS.

BeLIGHT.

EDENintheDESERT

BIRTHDAY WEEK MUSINGS

Written in Anticipation of Friday, July 16th, the event of my 53rd Birthday.

I know many who fear getting older. I've never quite understood this. Isn't that like saying, I fear Tuesdays as if by saying so, you can remain in Sundays for the rest of your life?? With all the creams, pills and plastic surgery that proposes to turn back time, at best, all they can do is make you a pretty corpse. While concentrating so much of looking young, our body ages on us all the same, and often catches us unaware.


But there's also a group who, by embracing the passage of time, seemingly never age. Their inner light illumines their countenance in such a way that their energy propels them beyond what others think those in their age should look like or how they should behave.


All I know for sure is that life moves forward, whether we believe it should or not. Embracing things as they are, and not as we wish them to be, begins with loving ourselves beyond the external. Phase one, it would appear for me, was getting the poisons out of my body. Then, I had to reduce the stresses of my life, even if it meant not being the man, brother, son, husband or lover others desired me to be. Learning to listen to my own heart for more than it's desires, but also for it's life lessons has brought me to this revelation:


My best days are ahead.


I know, you think that's a simple statement. But consider this, I've had four friends commit suicide who didn't believe that.


Still think it's simple?


In the immortal words of Cee-Lo..., WAKE UP AND LIVE !!!


Birthday Prayers and Well Wishes may now begin...,

This 53rd BIRTHDAY WEEK is in full force !!





LOVE, EDEN

Brother EDEN Douglas, the Author

EDENDUST: a novel of Spirit and Fantasy

DESERTATIONS: THIS IS IT

There's the story that goes: ....A man and his son are standing in a cue.., a line, awaiting a future event and the son is impatient..., asking continually, 'What are we going to see ??!', ...'When is it going to happen???' Finally the father lovingly turned to the son and said, "THIS is IT."

Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit." Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that." But as it is, you boast in your arrogance ; all such boasting is evil. Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin." James 4:13-17

I just returned from a most prophetic evening. In part it was the viewing of Michael Jackson's last offering to the world, the rehearsal footage of the impending THIS IS IT Tour. I would have bet you before I left that this blog was going to be written through tears with pains of regret for all that Michael didn't get to do and for his life being cut so short, seemingly gone too soon. I know that's how I felt when I heard of his death. I cried something wicked as I viewed his funeral and the subsequent burial. But what I feel in this moment is nothing but joy. Joy for a life that was so profound, so meaningful and what he left behind as witnessed in this film should inspire us all to get up off our proverbial bee-hinds and go to work to heal our world, save our planet and love, love, LOVE our neighbors. If we think we're here just to procreate and not truly CREATE something lasting and beautiful with our God given talents, then Michael did die in vain.

You'll witness what Michael truly represented in it's purest form is hard work. The labor of love that he was pouring into that production was monumental in scope and depth. Images, vintage film, cutting edge CGI, the music, the dance, the vocals.., it was an undertaking that a lesser man wouldn't dare attempt, or have the legacy of music to build upon. He was in great form, so all the naysayers can return to their respective caves who never knew Michael but felt compelled to tell us all how weak and feeble a man he was. Whatever pains he supposedly had are non-existent in this footage. You'll see him dance.., get caught up in the spirit of his music.., you'll see him gently correct and teach and inspire by just being in the room. You'll see dancers who were pre-teens when he CREATED the moonwalk mesmerized to be so near the very one that inspired them to dance. Amazing.

I encourage us all to do more with our gifts and talents. This isn't new, I've blogged about this before. The urgency this time around is just a gentle nudging that THIS IS IT. THIS MOMENT is the only one we've been promised. EVERYthing else is wishful thinking. Viewing this documentary tonight wasn't the highlight to my day, however. This morning, I listened to all 39 of my previously recorded songs, uploaded the best 21 for free on a website, prepared a future release of a 26 song anthology called The EDEN Project that will soon be on all the major digital sites (second week of December) and started the concept for the next EP that will pave the way to a new sound and direction for me. I shared all of this in real time with a fellow musician and brother who was literally across the ocean from me in WALES, while at the same time stopping to pray for my spiritual brother in dental school in Denver for the intense workload he's adjusting to daily. And moments before I went into the theater, I decided to take a walk around the block only to meet a young man visiting Albuquerque for the next three weeks only and in short measure made a new friend and brother, who opened his heart to me as we both shared the experience of watching Michael perform. And none of this was promised to me when I awoke this morning.

See this is why I can't be sad, today. There's so much of life ahead and MJ is forever going to be apart of whatever I do from these days forward. In the assurance of that, he lives on.

I know those he shared his final days with feel that certainty even more.


THIS IS IT !!!

BeBLeSSeD,

EDENintheDESERT

DESERTATIONS: MICHAEL JACKSON

I don't know what I am going to say, but I felt that I needed to say something about the one and only artist that I actually had as a poster on my wall as a kid.

As much as I would like to say I was a fan, in fact is, I love the Jackson 5. Marlon was born the same year as me, making Michael our younger brother. I was sad when Jermaine chose to stay behind at Motown and marry the owner's daughter and abandon his brothers in their move to CBS Records. The last Motown release, 'Moving Violation' was one of their best releases, 'till that debut on CBS with Style of Life, Blues Away... and 'LIVING TOGETHER'.., where I knew Michael was singing directly to Jermaine. It's hard to explain what it meant to see this 'family' of brothers and later sisters, live and work together. The tours, the saturday morning cartoon, the countless magazine covers.., all the fun they appeared to be having. Everyone wanted to be one of the Jacksons or at least be related to them.., and my sisters wanted to marry at least one of them every week! This one family gave us hope.., gave us joy and made us want to be them. As they matured, went their separate ways.., we all lost a little of the innocence along with them as we, too, matured and went through our share of troubles. Seeing little Michael soar beyond anyone's imagination was thrilling.., and terrifying 'cause you just know that when a star burns so fast and so long.., it has to be extinguished at some time. But, his star seemed to get a second life after weathering so many accusations, deserved or not, 'cause in the end, he was still standing and for that resilience, I applauded him. I remember sharing with someone who was planning on attending his shows in London that I just prayed he would get one last time to shine for so many who had counted him out, rather gleefully, just to remind us of his contribution to this artform. There's not a young band, certainly male pop star that hasn't been influenced by Michael or The Jackson 5. Don't even attempt to argue this point. For him to die of a broken heart, however induced, is exactly the ending he was destined for. When he sang, "I'll Be There", he made a promise and a pledge to a world that didn't even know who much they needed him. His songs are all over the airwaves again, and the number one downloads on all the music sites so in the end, he acheived what he set out to do..., to blanket the world in music again, his ultimate gift. I promise you, this music, the depth and breathe of it, will be analyzed for years to come. ONE MAN, ONE VOICE, changed the world as we would know it had he and his brothers not burst onto the world stage.

GOD BLESS Joe and Katherine Jackson for doing all you knew to do give your family a chance at success. I don't write to validate your choices, but to thank you for doing the best you could for the times we lived in then.

To HIM Whom much is given.., MUCH MORE is required, to live up to those gifts.

Did Michael do his best, all the time?
No, it's obvious he suffered, personally.., but musically, I find no fault in him.

REST, Little Brother Michael

EMANCIPATION INAUGURATION

Ever read the EMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION?

Just think.., without this document, President-Elect Barack Obama would NOT be able to take office or even be considered a full citizen of this country. Contrary to common thought, July 4, 1776 is NOT independence day for any African American and when you read this document, nor is September 22, 1862, the actual written date, but the first of January, 1863. However, there were exceptions even in this proclamation that kept many in slavery through the end of the century and true civil rights would be hard fault in 1964, over a hundred years later!! That means technically for the African American, we're living with only 45 years of true freedom and independence that placed us on equal footing with those first mentioned in the Declaration of Independence. Imagine running a race with someone who has a 188 year start! This is the power and significance of this upcoming January 20, 2009 Inauguration Day for one who spent the first seven years of his life in a segregated country then six more in segregated public schools. Which makes my personal 'emancipation' date, September 1, 1969.

Looks like this marks my 40th year of freedom and President-Elect Obama's ....?

He was born August 4, 1961. You do the math.

President-Elect Obama is being sworn in as President with his hand squarely placed on President Abraham Lincoln's Inauguration Bible. A gesture that underscores a man who has done 'his math'.

EDENintheDESERT

Albuquerque, New Mexico

The Emancipation Proclamation
January 1, 1863

By the President of the United States of America:

A Proclamation.



Whereas, on the twenty-second day of September, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-two, a proclamation was issued by the President of the United States, containing, among other things, the following, to wit:


"That on the first day of January, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, all persons held as slaves within any State or designated part of a State, the people whereof shall then be in rebellion against the United States, shall be then, thenceforward, and forever free; and the Executive Government of the United States, including the military and naval authority thereof, will recognize and maintain the freedom of such persons, and will do no act or acts to repress such persons, or any of them, in any efforts they may make for their actual freedom.



"That the Executive will, on the first day of January aforesaid, by proclamation, designate the States and parts of States, if any, in which the people thereof, respectively, shall then be in rebellion against the United States; and the fact that any State, or the people thereof, shall on that day be, in good faith, represented in the Congress of the United States by members chosen thereto at elections wherein a majority of the qualified voters of such State shall have participated, shall, in the absence of strong countervailing testimony, be deemed conclusive evidence that such State, and the people thereof, are not then in rebellion against the United States."



Now, therefore I, Abraham Lincoln, President of the United States, by virtue of the power in me vested as Commander-in-Chief, of the Army and Navy of the United States in time of actual armed rebellion against the authority and government of the United States, and as a fit and necessary war measure for suppressing said rebellion, do, on this first day of January, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, and in accordance with my purpose so to do publicly proclaimed for the full period of one hundred days, from the day first above mentioned, order and designate as the States and parts of States wherein the people thereof respectively, are this day in rebellion against the United States, the following, to wit:


Arkansas, Texas, Louisiana, (except the Parishes of St. Bernard, Plaquemines, Jefferson, St. John, St. Charles, St. James Ascension, Assumption, Terrebonne, Lafourche, St. Mary, St. Martin, and Orleans, including the City of New Orleans) Mississippi, Alabama, Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, and Virginia, (except the forty-eight counties designated as West Virginia, and also the counties of Berkley, Accomac, Northampton, Elizabeth City, York, Princess Ann, and Norfolk, including the cities of Norfolk and Portsmouth[)], and which excepted parts, are for the present, left precisely as if this proclamation were not issued.



And by virtue of the power, and for the purpose aforesaid, I do order and declare that all persons held as slaves within said designated States, and parts of States, are, and henceforward shall be free; and that the Executive government of the United States, including the military and naval authorities thereof, will recognize and maintain the freedom of said persons.



And I hereby enjoin upon the people so declared to be free to abstain from all violence, unless in necessary self-defence; and I recommend to them that, in all cases when allowed, they labor faithfully for reasonable wages.


And I further declare and make known, that such persons of suitable condition, will be received into the armed service of the United States to garrison forts, positions, stations, and other places, and to man vessels of all sorts in said service.



And upon this act, sincerely believed to be an act of justice, warranted by the Constitution, upon military necessity, I invoke the considerate judgment of mankind, and the gracious favor of Almighty God.


In witness whereof, I have hereunto set my hand and caused the seal of the United States to be affixed.



Done at the City of Washington, this first day of January, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty three, and of the Independence of the United States of America the eighty-seventh.



By the President ABRAHAM LINCOLN
WILLIAM H. SEWARD, Secretary of State.

DESERTATIONS: FRAGILE

When I write of late, it's only been in introduction to a blog written by another. The main reason for this is simple: It's easiest to hide my own feelings, my own disappointments, my own doubts, if I simply 'get in and get out' with the fewest words possible. I know the relationship I have with God and if I ever start to tell the truth of what's really going on in my heart, I will tell it all and lately, I just haven't wanted to open up that much, especially to 'strangers' who might not have a point of reference with me. However, it's late in the morning, I don't have a soul I can call that I wouldn't be disturbing on some level and even if I got someone on the phone, I don't really know what it is I wish to say.., except I can't get Sting's FRAGILE out of my head.

FRAGILE.

Even the word feels like it's definition when you say it. See how your voice sorta falls at the end of the it, even when you try your best to say it with authority.., it still sounds 'fragile'. This isn't an homage to Sting. His lyrics are mostly about the fragility of war and how carelessly we can take another's life...

"If blood will flow when flesh and steel are one
Drying in the colour of the evening sun
Tomorrow's rain will wash the stains away
But something in our minds will always stay
Perhaps this final act was meant
To clinch a lifetime's argument
That nothing comes from violence and nothing ever could
For all those born beneath an angry star
Lest we forget how fragile we are"

But, it's the chorus of that song that has me thinking about my own life and some of the recent decisions I've made..., the good, the bad and the indifferent.

"On and on the rain will fall
Like tears from a star like tears from a star
On and on the rain will say
How fragile we are how fragile we are
How fragile we are how fragile we are"

See, I've lived long enough to KNOW that we are but 'vapor' on this planet. Before you think I'm brilliant for that illustration, let me stop you now and let you know that I'm just quoting from the book of JAMES in the Holy Bible:

"4:13. Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit."
14. Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.
15. Instead, you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that."
16. But as it is, you boast in your arrogance ; all such boasting is evil.
17. Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin."

You would think that if we 'know' that we are vapor, we would live life with more of an open hand.., and certainly with more of an open heart. But, we're arrogant people, at least I have come to realize, I AM. And, as painful an admittance as this is, it's simply the truth and I must tell it, to someone, TONIGHT, if I'm ever going to get pass my dark heart. If I were Catholic, I might save it for 'confession' in the morning, but I'm not. Protestants believe that we can come 'boldly' to the throne of grace and simply 'be forgiven' because 'Jesus' paid it all and 'when God sees me, he can't see my sin 'cause it's covered by The Blood'. While that is certainly true in theory..., we hide a multitude of unconfessed sins in that comfort blanket and move along in our ignorance believing we've gotten away with something 'till God orchestrates a series of events that truly rocks our world and literally shakes us out of our veiled complacency. I know it, 'cause this week, I'm right dab in the midst of it and I'm here at this early hour to confess it all, so I can have a peaceful rest and prayerfully, a good morning.., whenever that comes.

Here's the deal:

Someone stole my car stereo.

In the middle of the night, about 30 feet from my front door, while I slumbered.

Now before you think it's trivial, let me share with you a little back story...

If you look around my pages, you'll see a photo section called EDEN's LATEST BLESSINGS and in there is a little pictorial essay about my recent car, a 1989 Toyota Corolla, which my church gave me around the time of my 51st birthday in July. The first thing I did when I got that car was replace the stereo. It had a 'cassette' player.. and in this modern age, how could a serious musician drive a car with a cassette deck??!?, so, I spent a little over $200 and put a new system in this 'gift'. In hindsight, I can see the beginning of 'pride' at work in my heart, even while I smiled so beautifully for the camera. That simple defiant act to 'improve' upon the blessing which nearly cost 'half' of what the car had been purchased for would probably have been performed by many and in that assurance I felt comfortable improving upon the 'gift' that had been given me. This vanity was further demonstrated as I spent countless hours downloading and recording music that I would play in this new toy while I rode my three minutes to work every day, to and from home! Oh how I loved my car stereo, especially on those rare occasions I got to listen to five songs on my way to church!! Yes, what a necessary expense and tool this was and I cherished every penny spent to elevate my mood while I dealt with the unpleasantness of driving my 'vintage' car!

Then, someone stole my car stereo.

When I discovered the door handle pried open like the lid on a jar and the errant wires hanging from the dash, I had a moment of gratitude that they hadn't broken the windows and was thankful for their meticulous removal of my system. As the day progressed, my heart grew dark and angry and a whole host of thoughts washed over me and opened up the depth of my despair (read, disgust) in a wave that truly frightened me. I wanted to curse the day that I was given the car.., that would be vandalized and take away my peace, my carefully constructed peace that was already unraveling with the lost of the job that I had come to trust and rely upon (through no fault of my own, I would tell myself, but that's a whole 'nother blog!!) and now THIS!! What have I done to deserve this treatment, God??!! Why wouldn't you protect me and all believers from this kind of injustice??!! How dare they 'touch' one of your anointed!! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN???!!! ....TO ME!!!!

But, why not me?

At the end of the day, no matter how 'righteous' I live, or attempt to live, I continue to discover there's still 'miles I have to travel' before I can sleep in the calm assurance that I've truly done all I can for the kingdom of Heaven, which, by the way, is the point of our existence on this planet. Our fragile state is a blessing, especially when we realize that we are truly only here for a brief moment in time and in light of that brevity, I really don't want to waste another minute stressing a stolen car stereo.., or for that matter, a stolen car, if or when that fateful day comes, too.

ONLY WHAT WE DO FOR CHRIST, LASTS.

And, I don't need a soundtrack playing in the background to be hospitable, kind, generous, loving, compassionate, thoughtful, graceful, gentle....

We have come to value our 'things' over and above our humanity and I tell you my truth.., I'm embarrassed by my behavior and I publicly lay these details before you now, in prayerful hope and expectation that like Jonah, as God has allowed the worm to destroy my 'shade tree' that HE so lovingly caused to grow, I won't curse the lost of the shade, another minute longer.., but go back to 'One' and begin anew with the simple, yet profound, truth JAMES teaches me:

"Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin."

It's right for me to say in closing, I'm grateful that

'someone stole my car stereo'

especially if it reveals my own fears, insecurities, indignation, anger, doubt, mistrust, frustration, vanity, pride...

FRAGILITY.

...But 'vapor, folks. We truly are only here for the briefest of time. What are you equally holding onto that you need to confess and let go? What 'injustice' has been done to you that you can't forgive? What are you using like a weapon to defend your own shortcomings? What are you secretly angry about?

Don't take that dark heart into another new year.

Confession is good for the soul.

Good Morning.

`EDENintheDESERT