BrotherEDEN on PEACE ...

BrotherEDEN on PEACE ...

So, you might have noticed the writings on Peace of late.

I'm not sure when the idea started, but I'm certain of it's evolution. I wish, not for the sake of vanity but for clarity, I had a video representation of my journey. I know we've become a visual culture with the attention span of sound bites rather than the unfolding of novels that most lives represent. So I wish I could show you my journey. From darkness to LIGHT, poverty of soul and riches, homelessness in pursuit of a dream, love unrequited and unfulfilled, lessons taught from the pit, reinforcement given to selfish and self-centered wanderers who left fuller than they came while I remained the same.., yes, the visual would have to be sufficient because there's no way I could tell it all.

The thoughts I've been writing on Peace about Peace come after years of never fully having it as a sustained presence.., only the illusion of it, while I isolated myself from even from the idea of a challenge to my self-imposed Peace, where only I aged inside my bubble, while I shared about a life lived, but recognized daily, that it was a life unfinished. What's next? I haven't a clue. I'm not engaged in anyone's life completely. I can't say for certain where I'm needed.., if I'm needed.., or what's left for me to truly do.., that's engaging enough to draw me out and into the chaos, again. I don't think it can possibly be a 'thing' that would be able to do that, anyway, being a man moved more by relationship than opportunity.

But here I sit.., and type, wishing I could share the images in my head rather than, at times, only the words of my heart.
But for now.., the Heart will have to do.

PEACE. May it find us all, at the right moment, in time.

Neil Gaiman - Inspirational Commencement Speech at the University of the...

MAKE GOOD ART

The FIRST DAY of 2013

How long does it take for someone to truly know themselves? Especially if they've changed directions, cities, friendships, ...careers, all their life? At each juncture, the definitions change.., alter, 'till the line is blurred between what's real and what's potentially possible. I know this to BE true. I've lived in this transition, all of my adult life.
I've been in the desert of New Mexico, now, six years this March. And, with the exception of living in the NYC area from '94 till '06, this is the longest I've lived at a singular address since leaving home for college in '75. I haven't been in any location, ever, longer than five years, 'till now. You would think that after living such a nomadic life, that this would be the moment of most clarity. You would think that, wouldn't you? But duration hasn't produced any more enlightenment than the pursuits and transitions.
Perhaps what I'm seeking, searching for, is beyond this realm.., and not found in careers, friends, family..., or the desert. Seems to me, it's time to consider that what has kept me from knowing the WHY of my existence, is..., well..., ME.
I can continue to wax philosophically about this forever.., or choose to give in and become silent to this ever beckoning call and attempt, once and for all, to live life normally, as so many seem to do quite successfully. But after a lifetime of searching, which choice is truly ME?
I need to answer this question.., SOON.
My LIFE depends on it.

Birth 2012 Trailer

12.12.12

12.12.12

16 years ago, after a week of binge drinking, I awoke and saw a reflection in the mirror that startled me. I saw clearly my father's face staring back at me.., and I vowed then and there to never see that reflection, again. I found an AA Meeting and began the slow journey of recovery and restoration. I post this, on the eve of my 16th Anniversary of Sobriety to allow all my friends in the various time zones to read my words of testimony and encouragement.

Whatever you're believing, praying, hoping will change.., CAN change, if you just approach the transition.., ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Sobriety has NOT made me wealthy.., nor has it been the catalyst for all of my dreams and visions coming true. In fact, things are oftentimes, unbearable. But through it all, by not drinking my cares and troubles away.., I live to fight another day.., with a clear mind and a sound heart. And, no matter what others might say, that is the point of it all.
SOBRIETY is it's own reward.
Everything else comes by Prayer and Supplication.., if you're clear enough to remember what you truly desire.

BrotherEDEN

SAUDADE

Saudade is a Portuguese word that doesn't have a literal English translation.
It's an expression of the feeling of missing some one or some thing...

After 9-11, I felt SAUDADE.., and I knew I needed to leave NYC in pursuit of that 'some thing' I was missing there.., but it wasn't until 2006 when I visited New Mexico that I began to discover my heart and soul, again.

The Journey continues.., arduous, anchoring and often alienating.., but awakening, all the same.

I'm still here after all this time.., 'tho I look up and out and wonder just where I might wander to, next?

Any suggestions?

 From 2007, age 50, seven months into my sojourn in the desert of New Mexico.

BE YOU

BEattitude: "Knowing WHO you are is your only defense against being led onto a false path. BE very careful needing a community to inform your every decision.
You are ultimately responsible for what's been entrusted to you to create and accomplish.
Prepare NOW to stand in the end and BE Confident that you did ALL you were CALLED to Do."

I UNDERSTAND

I feel someone right now needs to remember that the best mentors are those that can empathize with your struggle.., not just express sympathy from a lofty pedestal.., or pulpit.

BEattitude: “How can I BE disappointed by your behavior, when all that’s in you, is also in me?
To speak against your darkness, effectively, only means I recognize the patterns and the behavior and their familiarity is troubling and seeing you at your worst unsettles me.
So my instinct is to criticize…
but my obligation is to say, “I Understand”…
so that you might Know and Believe there’s LIGHT, as reflected in me, at the end of your tunnel, too.”

TIME

BEattitude: "We all try, even when we appear not to, to see our way clearly.
If only we had time to allow the mud to settle, the water to clear BEFORE we engage others, have children, accept that promotion.., commit the precious time away that's needed to see our way clear. In the business of Living Life, especially Full Lives, we forget to spend time with the One that's at the center of everything we desire to achieve.
No, not God.., OURselves.
Being Designed to BE an Instrument of Peace, Love and Compassion to the World, we fail miserably in doing so when we forget that We are the first recipient of our own Peace, Love and Compassion. It's True, you can't Give Away what you don't possess or value internally. In lieu of those qualities we wish to impart, we pass along doubt, despondency, listlessness and a host of other undesirable qualities.
If only we gave ourselves Time.., for the mud in our lives to settle.., and the water to BEcome clear."

Oh WHITNEY

Goodbye Whitney.

THOUGHTS

BEattitude: "Do you own scholarship on your sacred traditions. BE sure that what you BELIEVE to BE Truth and Fact, is borne out of the Truth, not a distortion for political, economic or religious gain. Too much of our History is tainted, tarnished and transmuted and we build on those fallacies ideologies that are destined to fail us when we need them most.
IS THAT YOUR THOUGHT YOU'RE THINKING?"

GOOD REPORT

BEattitude: "How often do we give a Good Report?...
Now, reflect on the last question you were asked and your immediate response.
All too often we answer unconsciously and automatically and those responses don't portray our true Heart or our Intention.., or do those answers betray the image we've created of ourselves?
Pause for a moment and consider that if your immediate response isn't a Good Report.., delay that answer, till you're certain you can give one.
We create that which we speak, dispense and repeat the most often.
BEing Truthful, at the cost of our Peace or the Creation of Our Well Being, seems like a hollow victory. Sometimes 'keeping it real' keeps us stuck in the quagmire of our dysfunction.
Resist the urge with me to speak or perform unconsciously and practice a week of Good Reports and let's just see what happens."

The CUE

BEattitude: "My first thought this morning of was of a 'tight' space.., a narrow passage. I saw in this impasse, a log jam of souls straining to reach through to the other side, where the expanse there held answers and relief.
Yet behind them was a wide field of misinformation and misguided revelry. If only the souls could turn a deaf ear to their beckoning whispers to pass through that narrow space they might have found the same blissful ignorance and danced also in the field with reckless abandon.
But instead they're cued, waiting to be welcomed on the other side.
If you ever awake, feeling a like pressure and nothing you've seen or done has satisfied..,
Welcome to the Cue..."

CLOSED DOOR

BEattitude: "The hardest decision you will ever make is to 'Knock' or 'Not to Knock'.
Just know, some doors are closed for a reason and attempting to discover what's behind those closed doors deters Living Fully NOW on this side of the closed door.

GONE

BEattitude: "When one chooses to end their own life.., there's a string of events that are altered, a series of missed opportunities and fortuitous meetings that never come to fruition.., creative, spiritual and social inventions that die untimely as well and are diverted back into The Source of all Life.
There's a sadness in the wake of those that leave us too soon.., especially if by their own misguided willful spirits. Counsel those who are considering this path, carefully. And, if in reading this, you see yourself.., consider those that you will leave behind and the journey you'll set into motion for them if you give in to your despair.
Endure the Pain of Life, but Choose Life all the same."

WATER

BEattitude: "WATER is Cleansing. WATER is Healing. WATER is Rejuvenating.
TAKE ME TO THE WATER."

LOVE Is...

BEattitude: "LOVE is Already Everything We Hope to BECOME."

BEGIN NOW

BEattitude:" Your path has led you to THIS day, THIS moment..,
when you call your True Name into existence,
everything 'restarts' for you and you will now LIVE more fully than ever.
BEGIN Now, with your New Definition.
BEGIN Now, with your New Name.
BEGIN Now, with your NEW Purpose.
Understand your First Steps will BE in Darkness..,
but there's LIGHT on the Horizon. Just keep Moving Forward.
BEGIN NOW."

BE CAREFUL

BEattitude: "BE CAREFUL...
Be Careful of how you spend your time..,
Be Sure that the majority of the time you spend reflect who you are,
not who someone else needs you to be.
Be Careful of the love you lavish upon another... Be Sure that they're reciprocating as much as they're receiving.
Be Careful of the things that draw your focus..,
Be Sure that what you're viewing is building you up, not destroying your mind or soul.
Be Careful of the news you digest and take to heart..,
Be Sure that you have been called to solve those problems that you're most passionate about.
Be Careful as you interact with the world around you..,
Be Sure that you're inspired more often than you're intimidated by those in your community and in your work.
Walk circumspectly.
BE CAREFUL with your LIFE."

BE CLEAR

BEattitude: "Don't go your entire life BEing misunderstood.
If there's any confusion about WHO you are, perhaps it's BEcause you've never fully defined yourself to yourself and conversely others are following your lead.
BE Clear about WHO you are. Clarity BEgins and ends with you."