59

16 July 2016

BRACE YOURSELF. No, not for the news that I'm turning 59 on Saturday, cause if you've been close to me, at all, you know I don't keep my real age a secret. No, brace yourself for this next bit of news/revelation: 

I'M LEAVING THE ENTERTAINMENT BUSINESS.  

It's time to press pause. As much as I've loved my work in film/tv, when I've gotten to work, in all honesty, the infrequency of jobs and the quality of those jobs makes it nearly impossible to have a decent life and in the immortal words of my late friend and mentor, musician Shirley Horn: "I will not stoop (any longer) to conquer." Simply put, unless I'm driving my OWN PROJECT, I can't afford to just 'stand' in the midst of anyone else's vision, any longer. It's not profitable to my soul or my pocketbook. 

Fact: Prior to moving to New Mexico in 2007, I had only worked ONE DAY as a non-union actor/stand-in, in my whole career since 1992. And while I did what I had to do, once in NM, to survive and interact with the caliber of actor that I was called upon to work with it, there wasn't one moment of any of that work that I felt truly valued.., or respected, which showed all too often in the failure to be credited, professionally, for the work I had done so tirelessly. So when I would inevitably struggle financially between jobs, was anyone really surprised, when I have given so much for so little in return? My poverty of riches only mirrored the state of my soul and I'm sure most wondered just how long I would remain at a table where I obviously no longer belonged, waiting for the 'scraps' leftovered from those that prospered at my (and others like me) expense. 

Turning 59 is CLARITY because in one calendar year, I'll celebrate another milestone, entering a new Decade of Life, God willing, and I'll be damned if I'm sitting at the same table, in the same seat, then. 

So the Changes I must make, must start NOW. 

Happy Birthday to Me.

 

 

LOVE Request

LOVE one another, as I have Loved You ....

Wake Up .., and LIVE !!!

I haven't been myself lately.

In fact, I've been someone altogether different. I've allowed fear, frustration and finality to reign supreme in my mind.., which governs my soul. And all the while I was living beneath my privilege, my inalienable rights as a Believer..,and worse, I've sought counsel from other fear mongers who only know how to cheat the system and find shortcuts that pattern faith but ultimately cannot emulate FAITH's Power.

No MORE. Not Again. EVER.

I might not have the riches that so many squander on a regular basis to buy their shallow lives, but I be damned if I sit in envy of them, anymore.
I've been afflicted in every way imaginable, all in a concerted effort to silence my passion for my own vision and my own rhythm, in hopes that I would continue to deny the very reasons I left New York City for the ascetic confines of my desert abode.
I've tried to be inclusive, slowing down my vibrations so others could see clearly.., finally hear me and understand me.., and all I've gotten in return was an anemic soul.

No MORE. Not Again. EVER.

If I have to crawl into my PROMISED LAND, I will not be denied.., or run off like some vagrant who doesn't know his name is on the deed of the very land everyone else is poaching and calling their own.

No MORE. Not Again. EVER.

I am on a Mission. I have been all my Life.

It's time to take up my mantle, again.., and LIVE !!!